I voted by mail this week, so I’m done. Happy to report that salacious stories and revelations of political shenanigans that I couldn’t stop myself from reading day in and day out had no effect one way or the other. Turns out, there are some actual issues to be considered. I don’t want us to keep fooling around in the Middle East; I don’t want to be enemies with Russia; I don’t want trade deals that decimate our ability to make things here; I don’t want to keep hearing that everything is about race; I don’t want the protections we all get from our Constitution to be disregarded by the Supreme Court; I don’t want to give a pass to immigrants who didn’t follow the rules for coming here, and if they are not willing to embrace our values and our people, I don’t want them coming here at all; and enough already with “climate change.”

I don’t think grandma is with me on those things, so my choice was easy as I colored in the little oval next to “The Donald, Yeah Baby!” I think he’ll do fine as President, even surprise some people on that and, as a bonus, it also works for me that I voted to spare us the national embarrassment of having Bill back in the White House.

But whether “The Donald” wins or loses, we are all in his debt for the way he has given us at least a hint of the worthlessness of the elites who govern us and the hacks who write about them.

I did my civic duty. Feel free, Fourth Estate, to keep writing those salacious stories and revelations of political shenanigans. Whatever. I’ll be checking my fantasy football team.

— Malcom Beifong