It’s hard not to become jaded, isn’t it? As we have seemingly entered a brave — literally — new world where victims of sexual harassment and assault feel empowered by the knowledge that they are not alone and are more likely to be believed, we are also witness to daily headlines about the perpetrators — people of note, from movie studio moguls and comedians, to longtime morning show hosts, radio storytellers and prominent orchestra conductors. Some may even be people you liked and admired, until you saw the news.
The floodgates opened with the #MeToo social media campaign, which encouraged those who have been victims to say so, and with that, a pervasive culture of sexual predatory behavior and abuse of power has been exposed. It’s raw, it’s ugly, it’s hard to bear witness to, but it is real, and it is about time.
That doesn’t make it any easier though, slogging through the endless breaking news items, and you might find yourself easily swayed to cynicism or even despair. There is not much in the way of good news these days.
Something that is not being talked about very much is how we deal with the conflicting emotions that often accompany these revelations. The reaction surrounding storyteller Garrison Keillor’s firing from Minnesota Public Radio really highlights this issue best — when someone is well liked or even, as in Keillor’s case beloved, sentiment will remain with the perpetrator. The evidence? Many quotes from commentators made on social media: “But he’s old,” “He tells great stories,” “He reminds me of my grandfather,” “My parents love him,” “He’s been treated unfairly!” “We’re ending our subscription to MPR!” “How could they do this to him?”
It’s truly a knee-jerk reaction. Someone you care about has been accused of something bad, and you can’t reconcile that with how you feel about what the person means to you.
It’s only natural and perfectly understandable. But it’s important to note: just because you really liked someone doesn’t mean they didn’t do what they were accused of, or that age and likability somehow excuse behavior we would never accept from others.
Some of us have seen friends really struggle with these falls from grace — wanting not to offend anyone but clearly also wanting not to believe what has been reported or to minimize it into something more … digestible.
People should be allowed to mourn these “losses” without being made to feel badly. These daily revelations are challenging our respective realities, and it will take time for our modems to reset, so to speak.
So be kind — which is generally a good way to go no matter what’s going on — to those who are struggling with conflicted emotions over some of these revelations and be understanding of yourself, as well as others. What seems cut and dry to you might be causing someone else real difficulty.
