Each phase of this pandemic has brought us a new set of uncertainties.

Right now, we are two years in, exhausted, and poised for a new phase marked by the removal of mask mandates and opportunities to start resuming some of the more “normal” aspects of life such as in-person socializing, dinners out, dating, attending cultural events and traveling.

In the era of mask mandates, most of us were compliant, but the lifting of those mandates ushers in a new time of heightened personal choice. If it’s up to me, where and when should I wear a mask? Do I feel safe accepting this invitation? What about that one? These choices bring anxiety largely because there is still so much uncertainty in the landscape, and the stakes are potentially high.

Some of these suggestions may help.

1. We will be making decisions about masking and attending events on a situation by situation basis. Try to think through what your plan will be in advance of mandate lifting and receiving invitations. Where will you feel comfortable going maskless and what kinds of social events will you initiate or accept? These guidelines you create for yourself will likely shift over time, but it’s better to have a plan than to rethink all this upon every invitation. If you find yourself tempted to say “yes” to an invitation that doesn’t comply with your own guidelines, ask yourself why. There could be good reasons.

2. Start small. Choose people and events unlikely to increase your anxiety level. That might mean choosing people with similar COVID views, an event with low numbers of attendees, or one held outside.

3. Communicate. If planning an event involving others, discuss the event in conjunction with everyone’s comfort level. It’s generally safest to follow the guidelines of the most cautious person in your group. If someone in your group insists on behaving in a way considered unsafe by others, rethink including this person.

4. Give some thought to how you want to handle encounters with people who demonstrate by their behavior that they are far less worried and cautious than you are. Think about where “your line” is. Which situations are deemed so risky to you that you will seek to avoid/escape?

5. The best basis for deciding to take a certain action is your view of the inherent health risk. However, there will be people making these decisions for social reasons such as “everyone else in the group is doing it.” Stick with evaluating situations on a health risk basis.

6. In schools we used to have one group: masked. Now we will have two groups; masked and unmasked. Whenever there is more than one group, there is a likelihood of teasing and bullying. Think of something you feel okay about saying in the event you are teased, perhaps such as, “It’s nice that we can all make our own choices now. People are different and will make their own choices and it would be a good thing to just accept the choices people make.”

7. Focus on the variables you can control. Start with creating social situations where you have moderate control. You can create an event and control who attends the event, where it takes place, the duration, etc. As you feel more comfortable “out in the world,” you can expand to situations in which you have less control, notably those involving people you don’t know.

8. Choosing to spend time with people with COVID views different from yours will be a challenge, but this is a situation many will face, even in their own families. One strategy would be to avoid all COVID-related discussions, just as many families avoid discussing politics or religion. However, you can’t control what someone else decides to talk about, so if a discussion starts that seems unwise to you, just listen. The other person may explain to you the many reasons why their position is correct and reasonable. If they then ask you what you think, say something, such as, “The most important thing to me is to listen to others and learn their views. There is a lot of disagreement and controversy about many issues right now and I have just decided not to contribute to that. Listening is more important.”

9. Resist the urge to feel or be judgmental about others who are making different choices. Feeling judgmental never helps and usually makes things worse. Give a little grace. We are all fallible humans here, all trying to make it through this pandemic, and almost all of us are scared.

— Wren Hudgins, Ph.D., and Jinna Risdal, Ph.D, are members of the Community Care Team, a unit of Vashon Medical Reserve Corps and VashonBePrepared. Hudgins also works as a supervisor in disaster mental health for the American Red Cross and is a member of the Behavioral Health Strike Team for the Department of Health. Risdal is a therapist, educator, and administrator.