“How do I know when it’s the right time to say goodbye to my pet? Did I do the right thing? How can I ever love another dog? Why doesn’t anyone understand my grief?” I am often asked these questions in my practice as an animal behavior consultant and animal massage therapist. I have said these words and felt this sorrow with my own losses. Each companion animal has taught me new lessons when I faced the end of its life.
Whether a canine companion is diagnosed with a terminal illness, a senior horse becomes too weak to stand or a kitty’s kidneys are shutting down, they are dependent on us to help ease their suffering. And sometimes the end is not as definite as a disease or illness, which adds to the complexity of our decision. An older animal may experience cognitive decline, escalating anxieties or diminished neurological pathways. We do our best to balance his quality of life with our reluctance to say goodbye.
If you’ve taken the scary step of making the appointment with your vet to euthanize your dog, cat, horse or bird, what are you supposed to do if she rallies and starts eating again or regains her zest for life? Each companion animal is unique as is their end-of-life journey. My decisions during these difficult days have created a toolbox of experience, which helps me make future decisions for my next animal loves.
To explore these challenging questions further, I have been invited to co-develop with Vicki Boyd, a one-day workshop on May 20 focusing on pet love and loss. This event follows the tremendous four-day “A Vashon Conversation for the Living About Dying” events in early March. Participant feedback encouraged future conversations about grieving the life of a pet, which prompted the creation of this workshop.
A variety of speakers on three panels will talk about facing the death of a companion animal, making difficult decisions, living with grief and opening up to love again. Veterinarians, companion animal and mental health professionals, and rescue and shelter volunteers will share their stories and invite the audience to share theirs.
Loving companion animals includes the certainty of loss because we usually outlive them. When we open our hearts and our homes to golden brown eyes, a wiggling butt, warm breath from a fuzzy muzzle or a maestro purr, we also invite their goodbye. But we try not to think about that part of the story. We fear losing love will hurt too much and we can’t imagine going through the pain.
I welcome a new dog into my home by offering my heart as a dog offers his heart to me. Whether as a new member of my family, a rescued dog needing a safe space or a young dog being trained to partner with a wounded military veteran, so begins a gift of love and trust. This gift is not diminished because it is temporary. Nor is the memory of the love when the dog is gone. I have learned to trust the strength of love will keep me whole when I let go of a companion animal.
When the animal I loved and who loved me is gone, I am not less, I am not broken. Sitting down with grief and loss, understanding these emotions are partners of love, reduces fear and helps us open up to new love. And reaching out to talk about love and loss helps us feel less alone in our grief.
The “Vashon Conversation” committee, Vicki and I value the panelists and the energy surfacing to support the companion animal love and loss workshop on May 20. We invite you to join us and enrich what will be a memorable community conversation.
Companion Animals: Love and Loss will take place from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday, May 20, at Spoke (9923 SW 178th St., east of the Post Office).
— Wendy Dahl is an animal behavior consultant and small animal massage therapist, practicing throughout the Puget Sound area. She has over 20 years of experience in canine rescue and lives on Vashon with her two rescued dogs, Bodie and Hailey.
