Field notes from our culture’s divide

Published 10:30 am Tuesday, January 6, 2026

My liberal values have long been reinforced by the friends and groups I hang with on this environment and DEI-affirming island. Only recently have I begun to appreciate how this sanctuary is also home for many who may not share my priorities and view of the world.

Since 2016, my limited exposure to conservatism has baffled me, leading to quiet outrage and occasional contempt. Increasingly through the MAGA years, I’ve avoided or clammed up in face-to-face encounters with local conservative people.

When I read in September that several islanders had gathered in vigil following Charlie Kirk’s murder, I was compelled to try to get to know these neighbors better. Soon one of them and I started a conversation that now approaches its ninth session.

While Matt identifies as a conservative and I do not, he and I both see ourselves as independent thinkers who defy pigeonholing. Our trust, respect and appreciation for one another have deepened, and a friendship has grown.

Our shared experience has led me to reflect on and regret my earlier resistance toward conservatives. My hindsight confessions include: ignorance about the reasoning and motives of people like Matt; poor skills and discomfort with debating; being tempted to cynicism when seeking common ground; a fear of ridicule or possible violence; and my being simply lazy and apathetic.

As penitent as I’ve lately become, a finger of blame must also be pointed at those seeking political and/or financial gain by stoking and exploiting our differences. “Othering” is big business.

Why bother getting to know someone from an unfamiliar tribe? How could doing so be worth the effort, the risks? Biologists, family therapists, emergency planners and many others recognize that a natural system or community becomes more stable, resilient and healthy when its diverse members have viable connections with each other.

Whether it’s the residents of our island, or America, or the planet, we’re better equipped to solve our problems peacefully and with justice if we can all listen to and try to understand those “others” around us.

How might one start such an across-the-divide conversation? Here are a few lessons learned from my experience.

First, hold the intention to do so and pay attention for opportunities. It may be that someone already familiar to you has much that they’ve not dared to tell you. Risk offering or accepting an invitation.

Don’t expect or try to change minds, to agree or to resolve problems. Be respectful, curious, patient and flexible.

I’ve found it best to meet with just one person; groups easily become unwieldy. Listen for the deeper story of the other person — how did they become who they are?

Lastly, I strongly encourage meeting face to face. From all that I’ve heard, social media seems to work against everything I’m advocating.

Tom Craighead is a retired Episcopal priest and hospice chaplain, and a Vashon resident.