I spent most of the last year working as the lead advocate at The DoVE Project. As I leave my position, I wanted to come forward and share a bit about my experience working as a domestic violence advocate.

Before I started with DoVE, I used to think of survivors as “victims” of their abusers. But they are not victims. All of the clients I have worked with are actively surviving, making choices to protect themselves and their families. I was convinced that abuse conformed to a male (abuser) and female (survivor) physical abuse dynamic. I believed that the only help a survivor needed was a way out.

Oh, how wrong I was.

I have come to realize that abuse is an incredibly complex, genderless issue where each case is unique. I realized the most damaging forms of abuse can be the least understood — like emotional, psychological, financial and sexual abuse — and cause people to question the experience of the survivor. Not only does this discourage them from seeking out more support, but it also undermines the reality of their experience.

I have found that domestic violence is a taboo subject in our society, and it scares me that people are unwilling to talk about such a prevalent problem. Especially when getting the conversation going is the best way to prevent abusive relationships. Creating a space in our community for survivors to come forward, share their stories and receive the support they need and deserve is incredibly important.

Domestic violence advocacy is difficult work. Much more so than I had imagined. I am so very impressed by the advocates that I worked with and the dedication and drive they bring to The DoVE Project.

— Vivian Lyons